"The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life."- Anne Morriss

so my first reaction was a mere 'i can't believe i'm thinking about something a cup from starbucks...' but i came to the conclusion that this was a worthy quote to consider. now i'm not sure if i can relate this to work and play, but commitment in love is extremely liberating. when i was in a committed relationship, i never felt bounded and never sympathized with the 'ball and chain' analogy at all; on the contrary i felt free and uninhibited knowing that i was safe and secure, knowing that i was loving and was loved for all the right reasons. it was close to an unconditional commitment because it was pure and true, it was not commenced rationally nor was it calculated. it just was. it was innocent and blissfully ignorant how it all came about, but it felt right and it took off, and it was deeply liberating. i've never felt so loved, wanted and unapologetically free to do and be as i wanted and was because i knew we were committed, and nothing else mattered but that unjudging, absolute love that we had.

gotta say, it's something that you kinda miss when it's gone.

i don't think i can say that i've been jaded to falling [in love] as i can say that i have some internal issues that prevent me from doing so again, but that 'rational hesitation' is definitely present and cockblocking to the max. i absolutely understand that there's a leap of faith somewhere to be taken, that you gotta risk something to win big, that there's no gain if there's no pain. but to put it quite frankly, i'm not going to leap over to unpromising pastures or bet on unfavorable odds, and i will most definitely not subject myself to pain for small time gains. and i know commitment and love is a two way street, but you can bet that i'll steer clear of roads where i can see the dead end sign (not to say that i'm not up for unpaved roads or the offbeat track).

call me risk adverse, call me boring, but i'm working on a timeline here and i know what i want and i know what i can offer so why settle for anything less? and yes you can call me a princess while you're at it because if i don't see effort on your end, i can't take you seriously. oh, and creatively romantic gestures are kindly welcomed (shameful plug i know).

some people do short term investments for more immediate and higher yields, and i totally understand why that is attractive and desirable. i'll throw in a ten here and there with you, but i'm saving the rest for something long term that will benefit me years to come.

that being said, i feel so screwed, given the state of my economy.